my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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