Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
