Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
