omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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