That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
