conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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