Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize