After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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