Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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