im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
