ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
