i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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