I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
