My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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