Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
