My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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