I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize