Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she told me i tasted like america
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
