I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize