you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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