Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
