Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
