Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
