Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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