At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
