i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
