so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I have tasted many bathrooms
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
