have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
