she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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