Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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