escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
