so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize