Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
