we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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