I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
