so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
