i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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