Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
