I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
