If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
