her vagine was all disorganized.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She told me I should be a condom model.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
