I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
