Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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