Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
