New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
