Even the bartender felt bad for me
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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