I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
