My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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