Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
