my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
