I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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