saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize