I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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