I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I want a musical about memes.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
