you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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