Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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