I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think pants incapable of making pants work
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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