Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
