I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
