i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
