i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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