Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
