My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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