I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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