Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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