just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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