My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
