That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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