neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
