listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
