I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
