So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
