pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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