so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm sobbing to NWA
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
