At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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