dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Actions speak louder than pants.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I wear drunk well.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
