I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
