end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
