so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
