??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I party with great urgency now.
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