Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
