the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Be still, my beating vagina.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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